Monks Gone Wild: Endless Lawsuits Edition

As a child growing up watching Hong Kongnese movies, the Shaolin Temple was ingrained in my head as the source of all of China’s awesome power. I’ve always thought that Chinese cinema was funded by the government in order to increase patriotism and dumb down people into believing that only the Chinese people could defy forces of gravity. But if you think about it Hollywood does the exact same thing, Die Hard movies make you believe that New York cops actually succeed at foiling Terrorist plots. But really, when it comes to Shaolin Monks us Chinese folks believe practically any and everything about them. Just go on the street and ask a random Chinese guy what he thinks about the Shaolin Monks, I’m sure you’ll get responses similar to the following:

You: Herro to you sir, pardon me but I was wondering if you could give me some information about the Shaolin Monks…

Chinese Guy: Ah yes…Confucius say Shaolin Monk only survivor of Nuclear Holocaust and Rape of Nanking.

P.S. -Shame on you if you don’t know about the Nanking reference.

However, after actually visiting the Shaolin Temple, failing to find the 36 Chambers or the Shaolin Masta Killer, I quickly became disillusioned about the monks and their legends. The current Shaolin Temple is actually owned by the Communist government, and it felt like a really cheap circus completed with flipping acrobats and amazing feats of masochistic self-expression.

But you are not going to believe what I read on the news this morning:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070831/wr_nm/china_ninja_dc

“China's Shaolin Temple, the cradle of Chinese kung fu, is demanding an apology from an Internet user who said its monks had once been beaten in unarmed combat by a Japanese ninja, Chinese media reported on Friday.”

That’s right, the Shaolin Temple is actually DEMANDING an apology from an INTERNET user! And you’d think based on movie knowledge this user must’ve killed a Shaolin abbot with the Heart Splitting Palm technique or the Head Exploding Fist, but no00000000, he just posted on a forum and now the Monks are out to get him!

But you know what’s even funnier?

"The so-called defeat is purely fabricated, and we demand the Internet user to apologize to the whole nation for the wrongs he or she did," the Beijing News said, citing a notice announced by a lawyer for the Shaolin monks.

Apparently the Shaolin Temple has lawyers! I didn’t even know they had a law school at the Shaolin Temple, I mean, do you have to bend metal bars in order to pass the Shaolin BAR exam?? Like, do they send you to a secret chamber that’s barred off from the rest of the world, and you have to bend your way out?

But make no mistake, the Shaolin monks are suing over more than just political issues, I secretly believe that they just can’t stand ninjas and ninja lovers. I mean, everybody knows that ninjas just flip out ALL the time!!

I smell another lawsuit.